Afterthought: CRAP! I gotta blog that!

I really think if I would blog every day or two, that I would do better.  I don't know how many times in the last week I've eaten crap "in the moment" and completely forgotten about my vow of accountability/visibility.  Well, here it is... 

Wednesday into Thursday
(Fasted all of Wed til 1am Thur)
1am Salmon, veggies
Kind bar
Pear

Greek Yogurt w/berries/almonds

Thursday
7am Leftover pecan pancakes, eggs**
Kind bar, Protein Shake (pre-workout)
6pm Omelette, toast (before work)
Pear
1am Bbq pork calzone (at work)
Greek yogurt w/berries, almonds

Friday
7am Bacon Egg Cheese biscuit, cinnamon melts (yes, McDonald's)**

6pm Turkey sandwich
Pear
11pm Salad
Banana bread

Saturday
8am WG English muffin/PB/Agave, protein milk
1pm Arbys Turkey Ranch Bacon sandwich, two cheese sticks
Steve's mom's homemade Apple cake... holy crap amazing (2.5 pieces)
Steve's 20-year Reunion:
Strawberry Shortcake Vodka
"Down-On-One-Knee" wow
7pm? Pulled pork
Pasta salad
Cheese ball, crackers
Cupcakes (I was drunk, lost count of how many. At least 3).

Sunday
8am Clif bar, banana, chocolate milk (pre-workout)
2pm Sushi
Banana bread
Fasting 3pm - still going...

Ok, so I learned some more this week. I need to tell about those pancakes. I definitely did not eat enough after my 26-hour fast. Even though I snack every few hours or so at work that night/morning, I was STAAAAAARRRRVING by the time I got off work at 7am.  It didn't help that probably around 3am I thought of the Le Peep leftover pecan pancakes that were sitting in my fridge!  I think I drove 55mph home on Pennsylvania Ave. I grabbed the pancakes out of the fridge, ripped the lid off and threw them in the microwave, scrambled two eggs in like 30 seconds, and couldn't get the syrup (all-natural at least) into the microwave fast enough.  Poured my OJ, and by 7:15 was going to town on those fabulous flapjacks! They were still even a little cold. I didn't care.  If anyone had seen me or videotaped the incident, I would ... I don't know, it would have been hilarious!  Thank God Steve wasn't awake to witness it. It may not have been safe for anyone to be in that kitchen. Ok....we don't mention this ever again.

The next morning when I got off work at 7am was not much better actually.  I knew we were out of eggs (see story above). And again I was STARVING, so I passed my road and proceeded to Arby's.  Even checking out their breakfast menu on the way there so I could order immediately upon arrival at the window.  Apparently the Arbys at 96th & Meridian does not serve breakfast!  Accross the road to McDonald's, knowing I would not be able to resist the Cinnamon Melts.  Bacon Egg and Cheese biscuit it is. How often do I eat Mickey-D's breakfast? Not very.  Sold.  Ate half the melts on the way home, dripping that amazing cinnamon-laden icing on my shirt in the process.  Rediculous.  

And then there was the trip to Rensselaer for the reunion. Anytime we go to his parents' house there are (usually homemade) goodies.  The apple cake was totally worth it.  Yes, all two-and-a-half pieces.  The reunion speaks for itself, except the Down On One Knees.  Holy Crap.  So I've been hearing about this drink for almost 4 years now.  Four alcohols (Everclear and whiskey I know....not sure what else) and four juices.  Tastes like Tang.  DANGEROUS! Knowing what I knew already from stories I've heard, I knew to take it easy (and I have a decent tolerance thanks to my love of Tequila). I had only had one glass so far of my vodka/7-up, so I only asked for a half a glass of DOOK. I was about halfway done with my half-glass and it hit me.  What in the world is in this stuff!  By the end of the night I had another 3/4-full glass, and drank about half my bottle of vodka.  I was feeling pretty good...a little too good for having to teach BodyCombat/CX the next morning. Got to his mom's at @ 2am, slept til 7am, and the majority of the 1.5-hour drive home the next morning. He dropped me off at Gold's Gym at 9:30am, and since class wasn't til 10:30am, I rolled up a mat as a pillow, set my alarm, and slept on the stage til 10am. Made it through tho!  I actually felt pretty damn during class...considering.... lol

So yes, I'm on another 24-hour fast today. Since 3pm yesterday, but will probably keep going until dinner at 6pm.  Feeling pretty good.

So, what I learned.  On my long shift work days, I MUST eat an actual meal before work, and during my shift (instead of just snacks).  I need to skip having a meal at the  typical lunch-time at home, and have my three meals be my 6pm  "Breakfast", 12am "Dinner", and 7am "Dinner/Breakfast" . I will also eat a 3pm pre-workout snack when I wake up.   

I also learned that I need to NOT forget that I'm going to blog everything I eat!  So my goal is to blog every 1-2 days.  if nothing else, I will post my food log, and write more when I have more time.    

Thanks all!  Feel free to comment. I can take it. ;)

Eat Stop Eat

I completely had this blog completely typed, saved, and published, and then accidentally DELETED it!  Grr.... so here goes again!

This week hasn't been the best or the worst, but more good than bad ;)

Friday
Grilled cheese w/roast beef slices/avocado/tomato (w/butter) YUM!
WG English muffin/PB/agave/cinnamon + protein milk
Yummy steak, baked potato w/plain greek yogurt, cheese, butter
Ice cream cookie sandwich (see, not great, but worth it!)

Saturday
Oatmeal w/banana & walnuts + Protein milk
Steak & Shake Frisco + cheese fries (REALLY not good!)
Protein shake
Greek yogurt/half banana/almonds
Salmon, veggies
Kind bar
Ritz crackers

Sunday
2 NutriGrain blueberry waffles/pb/agave/cinnamon, milk
Protein shake, banana
Two brats on buns
Nuts/dark chocolate mix
Vanilla Greek yogurt/berries/almonds
2 chocolate chip cookies (gave in at work) + apple slices/carmel
Crackers

Monday
Chicken & Ranch Mcwrap/2 nuggets
Nut mix & kind bar
Panera salad (turkey fugi apple!) + baguette
Cookies & milk
Smirnoff (2)

Tuesday
Pecan pancakes/eggs/bacon/OJ (brunch with Kaleb at LePeep!)
English muffin/pb/agave/cinnamon + protein milk
Spaghetti w/grilled chicken breast, garlic bread, milk
Cheese, tortilla chips, 1 beer

Wednesday
24+ hour fast (water/black coffee)

I did it!  26+ hour fast (30+ hours between actual meals). And I broke my fast at 1am this morning with a salmon filet & veggies, greek yogurt and berries. Was much easier to do than I thought (the last 6 hours was at work).  I used to do daily 16/85 fasts most weekdays, but with my new work & workout schedule, it made that nearly impossible. So I am instead going to follow the Eat Stop Eat lifestyle (1 or 2 24-hour fasts per week). Anyone considering intermittent fasting or wanting to know about it, the "Eat Stop Eat" book (by Brad Pilon) is the Bible of I.F. I really do think I'll like this approach better than the daily fasts, so I'm pretty excited about it!  (Me, excited about NOT eating?!!)

Anywho, feeling good about this week!  I'm not weighing in until Saturday (which is the day of Steve's 20-year high school reunion!). 

Ta ta for now! :)

Back to scratch...

Ok, back to 150, those extra 4-ish pounds have come off and I'm back on track with my eating. I have determined after being back on third shift again that there are certain things I can and cannot do.  I cannot fast during work, for sure, but I also know that I am going to have to eat at the end of my shift, otherwise I cannot sleep!  So instead of daily fasts (16/8 or close to it), I am going to eat normally most days, having breakfast after my shift, and doing 1-2 long fasts a week, and one shorter fast (16-18 hrs) a week. This will vary based on my workouts/classes, but I have a schedule made up that is a little more realistic for my current schedule.  Next step is meal-planning to make sure I'm eating enough but not too much.  This is a little more in-depth than I've gone before, but I realize I do better with more structure.  I can't follow a strict mealplan created by someone else, but I've never tried creating my own.  Typically, I eat the same stuff over and over anyways. As much as I like to have things organized, I'm surprised I haven't done this before now!

So here's what I've eaten since my last post:

Monday (morning thru early Tues morning)
-100% whole grain English muffin w/all-natural PB +honey & cinnamon with protein powder/milk
-Fajita bowl (lettuce/chicken/avacado/jalapenos/salsa)
-Mixed nuts with dark chocolate pieces
-Vanilla Greek yogurt (Oiks) w/mixed berries & sliced almonds
-Kind bar (dark chocolate cherry...yum!)

Tuesday (7am thru to early Wed morning):
-Two hard boiled eggs + two pieces toast/butter & milk
-Oatmeal w/milk, berries, banana, walnuts + milk
- Kind bar
- Pizza (Papa Johns... I know)/cinnamon sticks
- Ritz crackers

Wednesday (morning after work, thru evening before work)
- Waffles w/milk
- Pita chips w/hummus
- BBQ pork sandwich

Fasted 6pm Wed thru 2pm Thur

Thursday
- Panera half salad (Blue cheese chopped...yum!) w/baguette
- Clif bar pre-workout
- Two-egg omelette w/toast + OJ
- Girls night: brownies, rice krispie treats & wine :/


Not the best, not the worst, but I feel much more in control than the last week or so. :) 

Happy Friday!

I know, I know.... it's been a while!

Ok so I have come to realize some things since the last time I posted...

1) I must keep blogging! Knowing that I must tell you (whoever is reading this) everything I eat definitely gives me that accountability factor that I know I need. If I commit to daily posts, I know it will prevent me from eating things I otherwise eat in 'secret'.

Last week for three days I was in training for my new job downtown at Methodist Hospital.  I didn't know any of those people and would likely never see them again. I don't know if that had something to do with why I let myself eat: a big bag of chocolate covered almonds (more chocolate than almond), a giant brownie (with chocolate chips), AND a big white chocolate macadamia nut cookie (that was Day 1). Or why on day 3 I went to the vending machine with the sole intention of buying a giant bag of Reese's Pieces and eating the whole bag. BUT...I guarantee that had I intended to blog those days, I would not have eaten any of it.

2) I must live (and eat) by a schedule. When I'm off of a routine, I just eat crappy. Maybe not 100% of the time...but enough to make a HUGE difference in my body. I may not do well on a very strict "diet" that doesn't allow for fluctuation, but I also don't do well with no structure at all.  (Like mother like son I suppose!)

Now that I am on my third-shift rotation, done with training, and my classes are set, I know my schedule (crazy yet consistent) and I can plan my eating/fasting schedule accordingly.

3) This isn't something that I've only recently realized...I've known for a while, but has been reiterated to me during my time off from work. I am an addict. To many things.  I have an addictive personality.  I was a smoker for 16 years. I have a major junk food addiction.  Maybe a food addiction in general.  I am a workout-addict. When I clean, once I start, I can't stop. With my job, or learning choreography, I am a perfectionist; I want to know it inside and out. I'm all or nothing. That's why intermittent fasting works for me. When we have get-togethers, be it Thursday nights or family gatherings, I can't stop eating. When I drink, I more often than not drink WAY too much.

I am so tired of this cycle.  I know my strengths and weaknesses. I am aware of how crazy I probably seem to those of you who hear me say the same things over and over, yet still repeat the cycle ever single week.  I recognize, yet I don't know why. Why is it so hard to just NOT eat the things that I know I'm going to beat myself up about later? Why can't I stop at one or two of those little brownies with the frosting...instead of eating 6 of them? (Maybe 8.) I don't know why not.

But I do know that I can't give up and just say 'screw it'! Because there were a lot of things that I thought or said "I can't" do, or "I could never do that" and I DID. 

"I can't give up pop." I did.
"I can't quit smoking." After several attempts, I did.
"I can't lose 70 pounds." I lost 80.
"I can't drive to Kentucky by myself".  I can.
"I'm never going to be happy." I am.
"I can't teach BodyCombat/BodyAttack." I do.

So much of what we do and overcome is in our heads. I know this. I tell people this. I tell myself this.  I found myself thinking about 'The Little Engine That Could' yesterday, and how true that story is.  I do think I can...in fact I know I can.

It's 4:45am and now I'm just rambling.  My point is, I am going to hold myself accountable, and I am going to keep posting. Even if no one is reading.  But for those of you who are, I know there are people out there like me. That struggle. That can relate. And if nothing else, maybe it makes them feel better to know they aren't alone. Never give up.


"I can't get to 140 lbs."  I will.

Doing pretty good this week!

Monday I did my first crossfit workout! I've wanted to for a long time, and finally did (thank you l Living Social!)  Compared to the classes I teach, this was totally different. Both are amazing...just totally different. My shoulders and chest are still sore, four days later! I was very proud of myself at Bob Evans because I was good and only had a salad...and a healthy one at that! I really wanted the cinnamon till thing that was only 99-cents, but I stayed strong and didn't cave!

I was pretty lazy the rest of the afternoon, and napped in the chair while watching The Voice. Had my Greek yogurt w/berries as a snack. Later had my first quest bar...not the best-tasting protein bar ever, but to be all-natural, gluten-free, high fiber, no sugar, and high protein, I guess I get why they're so popular. They were on sale at GNC so I bought a few. Went to body jam ...finally!!! It's been so long. It was a blast as always, and I took two friends that had never done it, and of course they thought it was the greatest thing ever! (You're welcome!) 

Made nachos with party leftovers, and omg they were amazing. Not the healthiest in the world but at least with all the cheese, but & sour cream, but they were loaded with protein and man did they hit the spot!

Tuesday I fasted until 2 pm because I waited for Steve so we could eat lunch together. If I'm able, I like stretching my fast out longer to reap more of the benefits. Had Subway, and for the first time ever, ordered a salad instead of a sandwich. Double chicken for the extra protein...although NOT as fan of subway chicken"product", whatever it is. At 4 I had my pre-workout snack: Ezekiel bread, toasted, w/natural PB & honey and a protein shake (EAS lean chocolate) .  Taught Body Pump (which kicked my area! Gotta get more than one a week in!).  For supper, Steve grilled chicken breasts and we made steamed potatoes & green beans in a rosemary butter sauce (it was a green giant microwave bag....I don't get that fancy with my cooking!). Made Pasta Roni for them, but I skipped those. Avoiding white carbs, and no cardio today either. Steve made his amazing Cinnamon Crunch Popcorn which I did eat to much of, but in total for the day I still did well.

Yesterday I went back to crossfit, so I ate pre-workout oatmeal w/spends Brown sugar, cinnamon, walnuts, and mixed berries and a protein shake (EAS vanilla) .  Ok people, I'm in pretty decent shape, but this totally destroyed me! Hardest 20 minutes of my life.  I LOVED IT!!! The gym owner even asked me to be part of their team for competitions....flattered and would love to, but I don't see how I could fit that into my life...trading training 5x/wk.... it! Didn't get to eat lunch till 2:30, but made the most wonderful meal of scrambled eggs with cheese, sour cream, black beans, and private sauce. Yum! And toast. As exhausted as I was, I still had to go to Combat tho, as it was Julia's last day before she moves to Idaho! :( by the end of combat I was TOTALLY wiped. Made pancakes& bacon for dinner (one of our faves).  Then Steve and I went over to Lindsey & Julia's to hang out for a bit and say our goodbye's. Had a couple beers and pb rice krispie treats (yummy!).  Passed OUT at 10:30...so tired!

Oh! I went downtown yesterday morning for my pre-employment health assessment and their scale said 143! What?!! Usually I'm much heavier on those doctor scales....knowing it was probably wrong, I didn't care. Still made me feel good!

Not sure if this picture I tried to load will turn out, but wanted to share my progress. From Oct to now I'm down over 10 lbs and 2% body fat, and am starting to see the changes in my body! Definitely helps keep me motivated to keep tabs on myself, and especially knowing I'll be sharing all my dirty details with you all!

Girls night tonight...wish me luck!!!!!

Never thought I'd look forward to Mondays...

So after my last post, the next day was just ... rotten.  My son struggles with emotional & behavioral disabilities, and we've had a lot of ups and downs for the last several months, and Wednesday was just a really bad day.  Within 30 minutes of being at school, he had an episode, tore the classroom apart (again) and got suspended,.  I'm gonna go into details about all that... There were some other issues I was also dealing with that day that just didn't help.  It was just...a bad day. I pretty much just alternated between crying and sleeping all morning.  Anyways, it's good I was fasting in the morning, because I was afraid  if I started eating, I wouldn't stop. 

It's been a long time since I've binged from stress, and I don't recommend it!  A really stressful time in my life was about five years ago during a period of separation from my then-husband before my divorce, and I hate to say that it was good that I smoked back then, but I did, and had I not, and binge-ate instead, I'm pretty sure I may have gained back my 80 pounds that I lost after my pregnancy. 

But I did not binge-eat or smoke anymore, thank God.  Now I exercise.  (A lot!)

Although I broke my fast at noon instead of doing a long fast, I was able to pull myself back together by afternoon and well, life goes on.  Got a good workout in at home, and felt much better. 

I did have wine and popcorn that night watching a movie with a couple of my girlfriends, so I got some extra calories in that I normally wouldn't on a Wednesday, but after the day I had, it was really nice to chill and unwind a bit.  Oh... Silver Linings Playbook.  Watch it. Good stuff.

Moving on...

Thursday of course was girls night again.  More wine and food with the girls, as usual, but I think I didn't do as bad as I sometimes(ahem, usually) do. 

Friday was actually better than or normal "out to eat" that we often do.  I actually made meatloaf at home with deviled eggs, mashed potatoes and crescent rolls.  I always feel like a real woman when I make a meatloaf! LOL 

Oh Saturday... Ok, so I don't do well on special occasions, and know that even if I ever get the rest of my diet under control the other 99% of the time, this is a part of me that I don't see changing.  (I never say never though. )  We had a big bash at my house last night to celebrate my birthday, my son's birthday, our friend Kristen's birthday, Cinco De Mayo ... whatever the reason, we party hardy.  Get-togethers at my house, the big ones, end up in usually about 30-50 people, all of whom bring food and alcohol galore.  Again, I did better food-wise than times past, but I still ate WAY more than I should have, and consumed mucho tequila!  But I had a wonderful time and am blessed to have so many great friends to celebrate with.  I am one very lucky gal! (Missed you Sue btw!) On the up side also, I did do a long fast so I didn't eat until that evening so in total I may have actually only eaten a slightly-higher-than-normal days worth of calories! :)  And I surprised a lot of people when I still showed up at 10:30am this morning to teach BodyCombat and CXWorx, AND stayed for BodyFlow thank you very much!  Now, I did take a two hour nap when I got home too, but still...   

I did have a King Size Nutrageous candy bar today that Steve brought me home from the gas station (in my defense I asked for a normal size, but they didn't have it). Like I said, life goes on.  I don't think I've ever eaten a Nutrageous I regretted.  They are heavenly.

Also like I said.... I do look forward to Mondays!

(P.S. I'm trying CrossFit for the first time tomorrow!  Wish me luck!)

Tomorrow is Thursday again?

I'm using my new tablet to type this (free for switching to AT&T Uverse!!), so I don't know how the font is going to turn out...

Yesterday was good. Fasted til 12:30pm (15.5 hours). Had a roast beef & cheese lo-carb wrap with honey mustard and hummus and red pepper. Also had a few Newton Thins (very yummy, Chrissy!) At 2:30 I was hungry so I tried a protein bar, but it was not so yummy (ironically again from Chrissy), so I only ate half of it, but really was all I needed. At 4pm, ate my pre-workout snack of a whole wheat English muffin with chunky natural PB, honey, & cinnamon, with a protein powder shake (EAS vanilla with water).  Taught BodyPump and team-taught BodyAttack and it totally kicked my ass! Two-egg omelette w/sausage & red peppers, bacon, whole grain toast w/cinnamon butter . also a couple handfuls of Reese Puffs for a little sweet before starting my long fast.

Yes people, I eat a lot and I love food that tastes good. This was a good day for me :)

So as usual it's Wednesday morning and I'm back to 147.8...I've undone my weekend (ahem...Thur-Sun) damage. I am almost over this cold but am taking a rest day from classes tonight to hopefully get over it for good! Which means I can do another long fast too. I may do some HIIT & heavy lifting at home this afternoon tho. Can I hit 145 this week? Maybe that will motivate my to not blow it this weekend!