Cookies (lots of cookies)
Twizzlers
Chips & dip
more cookies
Teddy Grahams.... dipped in chocolate icing
Wine (bottle at a time)
Pulled pork sandwich
Philly cheesesteak sandwich
fried pickles w/ranch
cupcake
two cake truffles
Carrot cake
more cookies
more chips and dip
more wine. and smirnoffs.
more carrot cake
reese's puffs (duh)
That's some of what I consider the "bad stuff" that I ate just from Thursday night thru now (Sunday evening). And I'm pretty sure we're eating Chipotle for dinner. And there's a slice of carrot cake left...
Let's go back...
I love Thursdays. But they take a toll on my "diet". Thursdays are 'girls night' at my house...it started as me and my girlfiends gathering at my house to watch Grey's Anatomy and drinking wine. So "Grey's night" turned into "wine night", and soon everyone was bringing food, some healthy, some REALLY not healthy. And any more we don't even end up watching tv, we just end up sitting around my bar, stuffing our faces and drinking wine (which for me is one glass of wine...one giant glass that holds an entire bottle that is...her name is "Sweetie" as I only drink "Sweet Red" wine). But I FREAKING LOVE OUR THURSDAYS! Love my friends, they are wonderful, and it's just such a great time. My problem is not our "wine nights", it's my addiction to food and my lack of self control, and my habit of over-indulgence. Thursdays is just what starts my downwards spiral that normally continues throughout the rest of the weekend. Friday night after Combat we almost always go out to eat (usually Pizza King or something not healthy). Saturday & Sunday nights it could be eating out again, of course dessert, possibly more drinking. So if Thursday thru Sunday are "bad" days, that's more than half the week. "Bad" as in I way more than exceeded my caloric goals for the day and ate some really really bad stuff. So every Monday I'm back up to my well-over-150 weight, and go back to my "being good" eating and the weight comes off and I go back to my 148 lbs that I was so excited to achieve finally, but now I am back in my never-ending cycle.
I am ready for it to end.
It's not like I can play ignorant and pretend that "I just don't know why I can't lose more weight...I work out all the time and I eat healthy for the most part". (You know those people.) Bullshit. I do know why. I allow it. I make the decision for every piece of crap that goes into my mouth. I know what works for me and what doesn't. I know how much I beat myself up after I binge (eat or drink). I know I am constantly telling myself (and others) that I am going to "get back on track" and "get serious". And I do. Monday to Wednesday. LOL
I need to be able to make better decisions even when the "bad" food is there. I need to not look for excuses to eat junk. I need to stop suggesting dessert after dinner. We need to stop eating out because we're too lazy to cook.
When will my NEED outweigh my WANT? Will it take me outgrowing my pants again? F no. I'm really sick and freakin tired of it. I know we're going to be having lots of get-togethers at our house this summer. I've gotta learn to handle this. I can't NOT have our friends over because I have food issues.
Rediculous. Over it. Time for change.
No comments:
Post a Comment