Ok, back to 150, those extra 4-ish pounds have come off and I'm back on track with my eating. I have determined after being back on third shift again that there are certain things I can and cannot do. I cannot fast during work, for sure, but I also know that I am going to have to eat at the end of my shift, otherwise I cannot sleep! So instead of daily fasts (16/8 or close to it), I am going to eat normally most days, having breakfast after my shift, and doing 1-2 long fasts a week, and one shorter fast (16-18 hrs) a week. This will vary based on my workouts/classes, but I have a schedule made up that is a little more realistic for my current schedule. Next step is meal-planning to make sure I'm eating enough but not too much. This is a little more in-depth than I've gone before, but I realize I do better with more structure. I can't follow a strict mealplan created by someone else, but I've never tried creating my own. Typically, I eat the same stuff over and over anyways. As much as I like to have things organized, I'm surprised I haven't done this before now!
So here's what I've eaten since my last post:
Monday (morning thru early Tues morning)
-100% whole grain English muffin w/all-natural PB +honey & cinnamon with protein powder/milk
-Fajita bowl (lettuce/chicken/avacado/jalapenos/salsa)
-Mixed nuts with dark chocolate pieces
-Vanilla Greek yogurt (Oiks) w/mixed berries & sliced almonds
-Kind bar (dark chocolate cherry...yum!)
Tuesday (7am thru to early Wed morning):
-Two hard boiled eggs + two pieces toast/butter & milk
-Oatmeal w/milk, berries, banana, walnuts + milk
- Kind bar
- Pizza (Papa Johns... I know)/cinnamon sticks
- Ritz crackers
Wednesday (morning after work, thru evening before work)
- Waffles w/milk
- Pita chips w/hummus
- BBQ pork sandwich
Fasted 6pm Wed thru 2pm Thur
Thursday
- Panera half salad (Blue cheese chopped...yum!) w/baguette
- Clif bar pre-workout
- Two-egg omelette w/toast + OJ
- Girls night: brownies, rice krispie treats & wine :/
Not the best, not the worst, but I feel much more in control than the last week or so. :)
Happy Friday!
Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
I know, I know.... it's been a while!
Ok so I have come to realize some things since the last time I posted...
1) I must keep blogging! Knowing that I must tell you (whoever is reading this) everything I eat definitely gives me that accountability factor that I know I need. If I commit to daily posts, I know it will prevent me from eating things I otherwise eat in 'secret'.
Last week for three days I was in training for my new job downtown at Methodist Hospital. I didn't know any of those people and would likely never see them again. I don't know if that had something to do with why I let myself eat: a big bag of chocolate covered almonds (more chocolate than almond), a giant brownie (with chocolate chips), AND a big white chocolate macadamia nut cookie (that was Day 1). Or why on day 3 I went to the vending machine with the sole intention of buying a giant bag of Reese's Pieces and eating the whole bag. BUT...I guarantee that had I intended to blog those days, I would not have eaten any of it.
2) I must live (and eat) by a schedule. When I'm off of a routine, I just eat crappy. Maybe not 100% of the time...but enough to make a HUGE difference in my body. I may not do well on a very strict "diet" that doesn't allow for fluctuation, but I also don't do well with no structure at all. (Like mother like son I suppose!)
Now that I am on my third-shift rotation, done with training, and my classes are set, I know my schedule (crazy yet consistent) and I can plan my eating/fasting schedule accordingly.
3) This isn't something that I've only recently realized...I've known for a while, but has been reiterated to me during my time off from work. I am an addict. To many things. I have an addictive personality. I was a smoker for 16 years. I have a major junk food addiction. Maybe a food addiction in general. I am a workout-addict. When I clean, once I start, I can't stop. With my job, or learning choreography, I am a perfectionist; I want to know it inside and out. I'm all or nothing. That's why intermittent fasting works for me. When we have get-togethers, be it Thursday nights or family gatherings, I can't stop eating. When I drink, I more often than not drink WAY too much.
I am so tired of this cycle. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I am aware of how crazy I probably seem to those of you who hear me say the same things over and over, yet still repeat the cycle ever single week. I recognize, yet I don't know why. Why is it so hard to just NOT eat the things that I know I'm going to beat myself up about later? Why can't I stop at one or two of those little brownies with the frosting...instead of eating 6 of them? (Maybe 8.) I don't know why not.
But I do know that I can't give up and just say 'screw it'! Because there were a lot of things that I thought or said "I can't" do, or "I could never do that" and I DID.
"I can't give up pop." I did.
"I can't quit smoking." After several attempts, I did.
"I can't lose 70 pounds." I lost 80.
"I can't drive to Kentucky by myself". I can.
"I'm never going to be happy." I am.
"I can't teach BodyCombat/BodyAttack." I do.
So much of what we do and overcome is in our heads. I know this. I tell people this. I tell myself this. I found myself thinking about 'The Little Engine That Could' yesterday, and how true that story is. I do think I can...in fact I know I can.
It's 4:45am and now I'm just rambling. My point is, I am going to hold myself accountable, and I am going to keep posting. Even if no one is reading. But for those of you who are, I know there are people out there like me. That struggle. That can relate. And if nothing else, maybe it makes them feel better to know they aren't alone. Never give up.
"I can't get to 140 lbs." I will.
1) I must keep blogging! Knowing that I must tell you (whoever is reading this) everything I eat definitely gives me that accountability factor that I know I need. If I commit to daily posts, I know it will prevent me from eating things I otherwise eat in 'secret'.
Last week for three days I was in training for my new job downtown at Methodist Hospital. I didn't know any of those people and would likely never see them again. I don't know if that had something to do with why I let myself eat: a big bag of chocolate covered almonds (more chocolate than almond), a giant brownie (with chocolate chips), AND a big white chocolate macadamia nut cookie (that was Day 1). Or why on day 3 I went to the vending machine with the sole intention of buying a giant bag of Reese's Pieces and eating the whole bag. BUT...I guarantee that had I intended to blog those days, I would not have eaten any of it.
2) I must live (and eat) by a schedule. When I'm off of a routine, I just eat crappy. Maybe not 100% of the time...but enough to make a HUGE difference in my body. I may not do well on a very strict "diet" that doesn't allow for fluctuation, but I also don't do well with no structure at all. (Like mother like son I suppose!)
Now that I am on my third-shift rotation, done with training, and my classes are set, I know my schedule (crazy yet consistent) and I can plan my eating/fasting schedule accordingly.
3) This isn't something that I've only recently realized...I've known for a while, but has been reiterated to me during my time off from work. I am an addict. To many things. I have an addictive personality. I was a smoker for 16 years. I have a major junk food addiction. Maybe a food addiction in general. I am a workout-addict. When I clean, once I start, I can't stop. With my job, or learning choreography, I am a perfectionist; I want to know it inside and out. I'm all or nothing. That's why intermittent fasting works for me. When we have get-togethers, be it Thursday nights or family gatherings, I can't stop eating. When I drink, I more often than not drink WAY too much.
I am so tired of this cycle. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I am aware of how crazy I probably seem to those of you who hear me say the same things over and over, yet still repeat the cycle ever single week. I recognize, yet I don't know why. Why is it so hard to just NOT eat the things that I know I'm going to beat myself up about later? Why can't I stop at one or two of those little brownies with the frosting...instead of eating 6 of them? (Maybe 8.) I don't know why not.
But I do know that I can't give up and just say 'screw it'! Because there were a lot of things that I thought or said "I can't" do, or "I could never do that" and I DID.
"I can't give up pop." I did.
"I can't quit smoking." After several attempts, I did.
"I can't lose 70 pounds." I lost 80.
"I can't drive to Kentucky by myself". I can.
"I'm never going to be happy." I am.
"I can't teach BodyCombat/BodyAttack." I do.
So much of what we do and overcome is in our heads. I know this. I tell people this. I tell myself this. I found myself thinking about 'The Little Engine That Could' yesterday, and how true that story is. I do think I can...in fact I know I can.
It's 4:45am and now I'm just rambling. My point is, I am going to hold myself accountable, and I am going to keep posting. Even if no one is reading. But for those of you who are, I know there are people out there like me. That struggle. That can relate. And if nothing else, maybe it makes them feel better to know they aren't alone. Never give up.
"I can't get to 140 lbs." I will.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Doing pretty good this week!
Monday I did my first crossfit workout! I've wanted to for a long time, and finally did (thank you l Living Social!) Compared to the classes I teach, this was totally different. Both are amazing...just totally different. My shoulders and chest are still sore, four days later! I was very proud of myself at Bob Evans because I was good and only had a salad...and a healthy one at that! I really wanted the cinnamon till thing that was only 99-cents, but I stayed strong and didn't cave!
I was pretty lazy the rest of the afternoon, and napped in the chair while watching The Voice. Had my Greek yogurt w/berries as a snack. Later had my first quest bar...not the best-tasting protein bar ever, but to be all-natural, gluten-free, high fiber, no sugar, and high protein, I guess I get why they're so popular. They were on sale at GNC so I bought a few. Went to body jam ...finally!!! It's been so long. It was a blast as always, and I took two friends that had never done it, and of course they thought it was the greatest thing ever! (You're welcome!)
Made nachos with party leftovers, and omg they were amazing. Not the healthiest in the world but at least with all the cheese, but & sour cream, but they were loaded with protein and man did they hit the spot!
Tuesday I fasted until 2 pm because I waited for Steve so we could eat lunch together. If I'm able, I like stretching my fast out longer to reap more of the benefits. Had Subway, and for the first time ever, ordered a salad instead of a sandwich. Double chicken for the extra protein...although NOT as fan of subway chicken"product", whatever it is. At 4 I had my pre-workout snack: Ezekiel bread, toasted, w/natural PB & honey and a protein shake (EAS lean chocolate) . Taught Body Pump (which kicked my area! Gotta get more than one a week in!). For supper, Steve grilled chicken breasts and we made steamed potatoes & green beans in a rosemary butter sauce (it was a green giant microwave bag....I don't get that fancy with my cooking!). Made Pasta Roni for them, but I skipped those. Avoiding white carbs, and no cardio today either. Steve made his amazing Cinnamon Crunch Popcorn which I did eat to much of, but in total for the day I still did well.
Yesterday I went back to crossfit, so I ate pre-workout oatmeal w/spends Brown sugar, cinnamon, walnuts, and mixed berries and a protein shake (EAS vanilla) . Ok people, I'm in pretty decent shape, but this totally destroyed me! Hardest 20 minutes of my life. I LOVED IT!!! The gym owner even asked me to be part of their team for competitions....flattered and would love to, but I don't see how I could fit that into my life...trading training 5x/wk.... it! Didn't get to eat lunch till 2:30, but made the most wonderful meal of scrambled eggs with cheese, sour cream, black beans, and private sauce. Yum! And toast. As exhausted as I was, I still had to go to Combat tho, as it was Julia's last day before she moves to Idaho! :( by the end of combat I was TOTALLY wiped. Made pancakes& bacon for dinner (one of our faves). Then Steve and I went over to Lindsey & Julia's to hang out for a bit and say our goodbye's. Had a couple beers and pb rice krispie treats (yummy!). Passed OUT at 10:30...so tired!
Oh! I went downtown yesterday morning for my pre-employment health assessment and their scale said 143! What?!! Usually I'm much heavier on those doctor scales....knowing it was probably wrong, I didn't care. Still made me feel good!
Not sure if this picture I tried to load will turn out, but wanted to share my progress. From Oct to now I'm down over 10 lbs and 2% body fat, and am starting to see the changes in my body! Definitely helps keep me motivated to keep tabs on myself, and especially knowing I'll be sharing all my dirty details with you all!
Girls night tonight...wish me luck!!!!!
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Never thought I'd look forward to Mondays...
So after my last post, the next day was just ... rotten. My son struggles with emotional & behavioral disabilities, and we've had a lot of ups and downs for the last several months, and Wednesday was just a really bad day. Within 30 minutes of being at school, he had an episode, tore the classroom apart (again) and got suspended,. I'm gonna go into details about all that... There were some other issues I was also dealing with that day that just didn't help. It was just...a bad day. I pretty much just alternated between crying and sleeping all morning. Anyways, it's good I was fasting in the morning, because I was afraid if I started eating, I wouldn't stop.
It's been a long time since I've binged from stress, and I don't recommend it! A really stressful time in my life was about five years ago during a period of separation from my then-husband before my divorce, and I hate to say that it was good that I smoked back then, but I did, and had I not, and binge-ate instead, I'm pretty sure I may have gained back my 80 pounds that I lost after my pregnancy.
But I did not binge-eat or smoke anymore, thank God. Now I exercise. (A lot!)
Although I broke my fast at noon instead of doing a long fast, I was able to pull myself back together by afternoon and well, life goes on. Got a good workout in at home, and felt much better.
I did have wine and popcorn that night watching a movie with a couple of my girlfriends, so I got some extra calories in that I normally wouldn't on a Wednesday, but after the day I had, it was really nice to chill and unwind a bit. Oh... Silver Linings Playbook. Watch it. Good stuff.
Moving on...
Thursday of course was girls night again. More wine and food with the girls, as usual, but I think I didn't do as bad as I sometimes(ahem, usually) do.
Friday was actually better than or normal "out to eat" that we often do. I actually made meatloaf at home with deviled eggs, mashed potatoes and crescent rolls. I always feel like a real woman when I make a meatloaf! LOL
Oh Saturday... Ok, so I don't do well on special occasions, and know that even if I ever get the rest of my diet under control the other 99% of the time, this is a part of me that I don't see changing. (I never say never though. ) We had a big bash at my house last night to celebrate my birthday, my son's birthday, our friend Kristen's birthday, Cinco De Mayo ... whatever the reason, we party hardy. Get-togethers at my house, the big ones, end up in usually about 30-50 people, all of whom bring food and alcohol galore. Again, I did better food-wise than times past, but I still ate WAY more than I should have, and consumed mucho tequila! But I had a wonderful time and am blessed to have so many great friends to celebrate with. I am one very lucky gal! (Missed you Sue btw!) On the up side also, I did do a long fast so I didn't eat until that evening so in total I may have actually only eaten a slightly-higher-than-normal days worth of calories! :) And I surprised a lot of people when I still showed up at 10:30am this morning to teach BodyCombat and CXWorx, AND stayed for BodyFlow thank you very much! Now, I did take a two hour nap when I got home too, but still...
I did have a King Size Nutrageous candy bar today that Steve brought me home from the gas station (in my defense I asked for a normal size, but they didn't have it). Like I said, life goes on. I don't think I've ever eaten a Nutrageous I regretted. They are heavenly.
Also like I said.... I do look forward to Mondays!
(P.S. I'm trying CrossFit for the first time tomorrow! Wish me luck!)
It's been a long time since I've binged from stress, and I don't recommend it! A really stressful time in my life was about five years ago during a period of separation from my then-husband before my divorce, and I hate to say that it was good that I smoked back then, but I did, and had I not, and binge-ate instead, I'm pretty sure I may have gained back my 80 pounds that I lost after my pregnancy.
But I did not binge-eat or smoke anymore, thank God. Now I exercise. (A lot!)
Although I broke my fast at noon instead of doing a long fast, I was able to pull myself back together by afternoon and well, life goes on. Got a good workout in at home, and felt much better.
I did have wine and popcorn that night watching a movie with a couple of my girlfriends, so I got some extra calories in that I normally wouldn't on a Wednesday, but after the day I had, it was really nice to chill and unwind a bit. Oh... Silver Linings Playbook. Watch it. Good stuff.
Moving on...
Thursday of course was girls night again. More wine and food with the girls, as usual, but I think I didn't do as bad as I sometimes(ahem, usually) do.
Friday was actually better than or normal "out to eat" that we often do. I actually made meatloaf at home with deviled eggs, mashed potatoes and crescent rolls. I always feel like a real woman when I make a meatloaf! LOL
Oh Saturday... Ok, so I don't do well on special occasions, and know that even if I ever get the rest of my diet under control the other 99% of the time, this is a part of me that I don't see changing. (I never say never though. ) We had a big bash at my house last night to celebrate my birthday, my son's birthday, our friend Kristen's birthday, Cinco De Mayo ... whatever the reason, we party hardy. Get-togethers at my house, the big ones, end up in usually about 30-50 people, all of whom bring food and alcohol galore. Again, I did better food-wise than times past, but I still ate WAY more than I should have, and consumed mucho tequila! But I had a wonderful time and am blessed to have so many great friends to celebrate with. I am one very lucky gal! (Missed you Sue btw!) On the up side also, I did do a long fast so I didn't eat until that evening so in total I may have actually only eaten a slightly-higher-than-normal days worth of calories! :) And I surprised a lot of people when I still showed up at 10:30am this morning to teach BodyCombat and CXWorx, AND stayed for BodyFlow thank you very much! Now, I did take a two hour nap when I got home too, but still...
I did have a King Size Nutrageous candy bar today that Steve brought me home from the gas station (in my defense I asked for a normal size, but they didn't have it). Like I said, life goes on. I don't think I've ever eaten a Nutrageous I regretted. They are heavenly.
Also like I said.... I do look forward to Mondays!
(P.S. I'm trying CrossFit for the first time tomorrow! Wish me luck!)
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Tomorrow is Thursday again?
I'm using my new tablet to type this (free for switching to AT&T Uverse!!), so I don't know how the font is going to turn out...
Yesterday was good. Fasted til 12:30pm (15.5 hours). Had a roast beef & cheese lo-carb wrap with honey mustard and hummus and red pepper. Also had a few Newton Thins (very yummy, Chrissy!) At 2:30 I was hungry so I tried a protein bar, but it was not so yummy (ironically again from Chrissy), so I only ate half of it, but really was all I needed. At 4pm, ate my pre-workout snack of a whole wheat English muffin with chunky natural PB, honey, & cinnamon, with a protein powder shake (EAS vanilla with water). Taught BodyPump and team-taught BodyAttack and it totally kicked my ass! Two-egg omelette w/sausage & red peppers, bacon, whole grain toast w/cinnamon butter . also a couple handfuls of Reese Puffs for a little sweet before starting my long fast.
Yes people, I eat a lot and I love food that tastes good. This was a good day for me :)
So as usual it's Wednesday morning and I'm back to 147.8...I've undone my weekend (ahem...Thur-Sun) damage. I am almost over this cold but am taking a rest day from classes tonight to hopefully get over it for good! Which means I can do another long fast too. I may do some HIIT & heavy lifting at home this afternoon tho. Can I hit 145 this week? Maybe that will motivate my to not blow it this weekend!
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